The Big Dream

I know I've mentioned several times wanting to have a cafe here in London, but I want to take the time to explain the overall vision of this project. On our team we have many artists, and inside these skills are many opportunities to reach into the "secular" areas of society. As church and missions, I believe we have drifted into a radical divide between secular and sacred. Yes, I understand completely that we are in the world but not of the world, if you are reading this and believe in the Bible. If you don't, what this basically means is that we believe as Christians we are to live to a higher standard, and mark a difference with the way we live our lives. But we do still live in this world....so how do we reconcile this? As a team here in London, and me as an individual, we have a heart to get into major areas of society, including business. One of the projects we are currently pushing forward is a multi-purpose shop. Including but not limited to a cafe, tattoo studio, hair salon, and clothing store, this shop is more than just something to bring revenue. It is a way to be in our neighborhood, interacting with the people around us, and also being available as employers. My heart, and I know many share it, is to have employees from all walks of life and be a workplace that encourages, challenges, and pushes people to the max and best of their character and abilities.
A few weeks ago, my leader asked me to compile a list of equipment and a budget for the cafe aspect. I asked him, you want what I think we need as basics? And he told me NO, give me the big dream. I could talk about so many things just off that one interaction. DREAM BIG; surround yourself with people that push you to dream bigger; stop looking at all the things that go wrong and keep after the things on your heart, etc. I think we all have that big dream, but we have so much doubt and fear that we minimize it into something we can make happen by ourselves. But the whole point of a dream is that its bigger than us, and requires more than just our capabilities and strengths. I don't want to finish my life wondering how big my dreams could have gotten, I want to see those big dreams happen. It takes work, patience, suffering, sacrifice, and a heart of gratitude along the way, but when it's worth it to you, you will push through it.
Of course with all of this, we need partners. These kinds of projects take capital, and my God is a God of miracles, but also of relationship. If this is something that stirs your heart and you would like to get behind, even in a small way, please get in touch with me. Also, London is one of the most expensive cities in the world, and as we expand into more houses and plan outreaches for next year, costs are getting a bit higher. If you would consider a one time donation, or possibly monthly support for what I'm doing here in London, also feel free to get in touch with me for the best way to do that. Thank you all for the love, support, prayers, good thoughts, and most of all, dreaming with us.

He Doesn't Expect Perfection

Most of the time, I have this idea in my head that I need to be sorted out, emotionally stable, and put together before I go to spend time with God. But the point of relationship with Him is quite the opposite. He has opened the doors wide for us to come completely fallen apart, so we can watch Him put things in order. I think He enjoys it even more when we come with our brokenness rather than trying to prove how good we are. What's the point if we don't recognise we need Him? To fully grasp this though, we have to know that we know that we know we are loved and found in Him. The other day I was asking Him how He sees me, and He showed me a potter at his wheel. This is a common symbol in the Bible associated with creation, so I was a little disappointed that it was not a new or "exciting" scene. The potter was smushing, reshaping, and changing the shape of the clay over and over. Quietly though, He said to me, "I am not experimenting with you, I know exactly what I'm doing." This really surprised me. It's easy to think, well He's the Creator, He is in control, and He can do whatever He wants whether it makes sense or looks nice or not. Which is true. But when we see that truth from our human, hurt, broken point of view, it can distance us from Him very quickly. What He spoke to me is that He is SO intentional with us, with our lives. When I have that perspective, looking to what I can learn and where He is growing me, I stop surviving situations and circumstances and start thriving in His will.
Last week we held the International Arts Gathering in Paris. I was able to go this year, and so excited. This event is one of my favourites, and I love Paris as well. We took the DTS, and a few old friends from other YWAM bases came along. For me, the best part was on the last day, we had some discussion groups that were really good. It brought up lots of themes and questions to work through, including what things steal our focus and why. I feel that this is a season to focus and push for our passion, especially in our relationships with God and in my art specifically. The DTS will be going on outreach for the next two weeks to Spain and Italy, then coming back for a few weeks before we host an exhibition, and they graduate. The season is coming to a close quickly, but definitely not over yet, and there's much more to learn as see God do.
As well as the Gathering, last week my grandfather passed away after several years fighting dementia. We are comforted knowing he knew the Lord, and is no longer suffering. But prayers for my family would definitely be appreciated, specifically my grandma, dad, and aunt. I will be headed home this weekend because of a miraculously cheap ticket, and will be there for the funeral and to spend time with family.
As always, thank you all so much for your love, prayers, good thoughts, or whatever other term you like to use. Having people that are invested in keeping up with me and what we are doing in London is  huge blessing. Lots of love!

Ready To Be Done

There's a verse in the Bible that says, "The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps." These last months, this has been so real. So many plans that we made for the internship, or as a team, or even in a personal sense, that God has been changing and shifting around, sometimes just turning upsidown. Our brain wants to say that this is chaotic, that God doesn't work like that, and that things will always make sense and be organised. But I have seen and lived this last season almost week by week, not really knowing how things would work out in the end. But they always did, and ten times better than I could have planned. Our outreach locations, our plans for Carnival, personal goals and expectations. God has been speaking a lot this season about victory. He is changing the way I see it, the way I walk in it, and the way I fight. We have battles. In our mind, in our emotions, in relationships. There's always things to grow in, and things to conquer of our own fallen character, but God has already won the victory over that. I get to walk as a conquerer, and that is a lot more restful and peaceful than battling all the time. The hope we hold on to, and have a foundation, is that God is always working for our good.
Something else incredibly important that I'm learning is that sometimes (a lot of the times) I think I need to be ready for God to do a miracle in my heart, or to receive revelation, or to go deeper in different areas with Him. But really God needs me to be done. Done striving in my own strength, out of my broken human perspective, trying to achieve success by human standards. I need to be DONE so God can come and do His thing. I can't do the work that He is wanting to accomplish in me, and through me. That's why He is God, and I'm not. It's time to be done.
Carnival came and went faster than any other year. We had less work to do, but were divided between 2 churches that were a bit farther away than wanted. I was able to have a really awesome conversation with a guy who shared that he has a great education, many well-paying jobs he could have, and a pretty good life over all, but at the end of the day still feels lonely and empty a lot of the time. I got to share about my hope in Jesus Christ, and about God as a father, how there's no fear in His love. This guy was really grateful and was actually amazed that as a young woman, this is what I have chosen to do with my life. I know many people in our team had really great encounters with people, and some not so great as well, but such is Carnival.
The interns have graduated, and now I am back in London to finish out the last three months of the DTS. We have outreaches planned to Manchester, England and Paris, France (which we still need a host location for!!!). After that, we are still praying about where else to go, and will have an exhibition here in London in the first week of December. I'm excited to get a bit back into a routine, and I feel that this is a time to dig into passions. I've not been able to produce much visual art, and I'm excited to have more time for that.
Prayer Points
-our finances as a base (we are now renting 6 houses)
-host location for Paris
-DTS students in their walk with God
-further outreach locations
Thankyou for all the love and support!!!

Like a Cactus

This one might be a little longer than normal. The month of May ended up being a lot busier than we planned. I had the chance to go with a few friends to Spain for a 10 day holiday, which turned out to be more necessary than I thought. We came back to straight away moving into house #4, which will be home to some of our men, and this week we are currently moving into house #5 for the rest of the fellas. After house #4 moving, painting, and cleaning, we left for a few days in the countryside with all of YWAM England to connect and seek God's heart for our country. It was a good time to catch up with friends in other locations, and hear from God for this next year for the organization as a whole. It's so good to remember that we are not just one team in London, that there are many people around England with the same heart and the same goals: bringing the kingdom of God.
Coming back to London, we had a few days before the interns arrived. With three others, I am co-leading this school, but I spent the first 5 days at an arts network in Norway. This was an absolute dream come true. The YWAM base that was hosting us is a place I have wanted to visit for so long, and they also have a well-running barista track, and cafe in the city centre. With one of my teammates, we got to connect with many people, hear what dreams God has put on their heart for arts in Europe, and what things are already up and running. We visited the cafe and roastery, and I got to chat with the leaders of the barista track. I am really excited to push this forward in London. We are still looking to open a cafe, but with the need for these 2 new houses, it has been put on hold for a bit. For this internship I have one barista student, and she has taken to it like a champ. As we don't have a place of our own to train, my work has received her as a volunteer, and opened up the cafe after-hours for us to train on the machine. MIRACLES are happening. Soon we will be headed on outreach, first to Brussels, then to a few different festivals in cities in the UK. The DTS will begin on the 7th of July, and we will cross over a bit with the track time, and get to know them before we return for the Bones Camp and Notting Hill Carnival Outreach in London.
Something that God has me studying quite a bit lately is cactuses. I know it sounds weird, but let me explain. Lately I have been feeling a bit in a desert season, but I've come to find that the wilderness is where God does his best work on our hearts. The Israelites spent 40 years being fostered by the Lord in the desert; Jesus spent 40 days fasting and conquering his human nature before beginning his ministry; and we many times in our life will walk through the wilderness with God. But in the book of Hosea in the Bible, he says that he will bring us into the wilderness to have a time of intimacy with us, to protect us and strengthen our relationship. So, cactuses (yes you can pluralise them that way). They are a funny plant, with many different species, but here's a few things I found out. When it rains in the desert, it generally doesn't sink very far into the ground. So cactuses have a shallow root system and ribbed/fluted stems that expand and contract quickly, so that when it rains they can absorb lots of water rapidly. Alongside these shallow roots though, a cactus will almost always have a tap root; a long root that goes deep in the ground and keeps the cactus from being uprooted during desert storms. Another factor is how they process carbon dioxide. Most plants have this process of transpiration (carbon dioxide enters and water escapes) during the day; but cactuses do this in the night, so they lose as little moisture as possible. Cactuses thrive in the desert, they have adapted to their surroundings, and make the most of tough circumstances. Lets be available to absorb as much as possible from God, and hold on to it until the next rain comes. That's what will get us through the desert, through the droughts that we experience in our lives.
Thanks to all for the love and support, it makes the world of difference to know that people are praying in to what we are doing here, and all around the world.

Hurricane Season

Today marks 5 years since I set out on what I thought would be a three-month adventure. Well, that turned out to be the beginning of a lifestyle of discovering and sharing God through the arts. I wouldn't trade any of it, despite the troubles and hardships, because His faithfulness has and will always win out over trials. I have lived so many joys, breakthroughs, celebrations, and victories in the Lord these last years, and am very expectant of the next 5 years.

These last two months have definitely been a bit of a hurricane (not physically speaking, but life-wise). Some days there is so much rain you can't see a foot in front of you. Some days are full of wind that seems like it will take you right of your feet. And some days are, rarely, but actually peaceful. It feels like it is coming from all directions at the same time. As a team, we have been fighting some pretty big battles, and each person individually as well. I can say for myself, that God is for sure allowing me to see and struggle with some of my bigger enemies, if you will. I know this is a hard concept for many people, especially Christians, that God allows us to struggle. But you cannot have victory without fighting a battle. An arrow can't fly unless you pull back the string and create the force for it to release. God never leaves us in our struggles, and he never will take us to a place that we cannot overcome, but I know he brings me through these times to see once again just how much I need him, and how GOOD he is, all the time. He never said it would be easy, but he did say to take heart, because ultimately he has overcome.

This summer I believe is going to be one of our craziest yet. In June we will receive 6 interns, who will quickly go on outreach in July. We will then be welcoming over 25 students for our DTS, the largest school in the history of YWAM London. We are currently searching for a place large enough to hold our classes and tracks for these students, and we need a few miracles along the way. These two schools will meet up at the end of August for our yearly Bones Camp, an evangelistic and artistic camp preparing to reach the Notting Hill Carnival.

In October, I will be running a half marathon with a few other teammates. We are running under a charity called Shelter that works to alleviate homelessness in London. I do need to raise money for this charity, and will put the link at the bottom, if you would like to donate. I wanted to run it, but I also wanted to have a specific reason from God as well. I received a passage in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 15:13-49, but the part that sticks out to me the most is this:
 42 So it is with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. 43 It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. 44 It is sown in a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there i also a spiritual body. 45 Thus it is written, "The first man Adam became a living being"; the last Adam [Christ] became a life-giving spirit. 46 But it is not the spiritual that is first but the natural, and then the spiritual.
Basically what this means for me is that there is a process that God wants to do in my heart through this, and by conquering and training in the physical, the victories and strength will come in the spiritual. I am really looking forward to this, but it is a big challenge.

Some prayer points for now:
-the many students coming
-new space for classes and tracks
-my knee during race training
-focus on the Lord and not circumstances

As always, thank you for your continued love and support!

www.virginmoneygiving.com/PeriCarlson

It's About the Heart

I live a very fast-paced life. I am quite task-oriented, so I enjoy it, most of the time. But very easily it becomes systematic, repetitive, and stagnant. Yes, being busy can become stagnant. And you know why? Because in the midst of busyness, I begin to forget about relationships. Doing activities, working, teaching, even discipling, become things that I check off my list. And I easily lose the heart of the thing. Relationship. God is the creator of relationship, and this is the biggest thing He asks for and desires of us. To know Him, spend time with Him, love and obey Him. I want to be a better listener, not a better doer. Because when it is all about doing things, about success or failure, my value is placed in how well I perform. The truth is that when I fail, when I fall into the hands of my personal enemies, God doesn't ask me why I did it (again). He asks me how my heart is, where my motivation was. That's what He is really after; our hearts. This doesn't give us an excuse to keep on sinning and walking in our own way, but it helps us to understand and receive His grace and forgiveness instead of beating our heads against the wall every time we mess up. I was listening to a speaker the other day, and he was talking about Psalm 23. One of the verses says that God sets a table for me in the presence of my enemies. God is inviting us to face our enemies; our fears, struggles, temptations, lies, and worries. When you feel surrounded by your enemies, overwhelmed by your circumstances, it means it is time to eat. God has set the table, placed in front of us all good things to enjoy and take from His hand. Those are the moments He is setting us up to win, to conquer our enemies, by the simple fact of enjoying the presence of the Lord. When I am in the midst of a situation, I have to trust that it is because the Lord has set my table. He knows exactly what we can handle, and what we can surely overcome. And when our heart is towards Him, our actions will and must follow. Our decisions to break destructive cycles, to come up out of depression, to walk humbly with those around us, is what will bring the breakthrough. God sets us up for victory, but you cannot have victory without a battle. God will always build first a place of worship and communion in our lives (OUR HEARTS) before he builds up the walls of our cities (our strength). You know this movie/book Holes, where boys get sent to this ranch in the desert as punishment, and they dig holes all day long? In the end you find out that the Warden is really looking for a lost treasure, and she wastes her whole life looking for something that was never meant for her. God was showing me that this is what I am doing when I don't trust in Him and let Him show me the way. In my own strength and desperation, I am wasting time and effort digging holes that lead to nothing. Let the Lord fill in your holes, and allow Him to show you the way, the timing, and what is actually worth pursuing. Don't let the lies of the enemy keep you away from enjoying the table that the Lord has set for you. It's all about the heart, not about our performance.

Rooted

I realise it's been more than a month since my last post, so here's from where I left off. I had the opportunity to be home for 2 weeks over the holidays, see ALL my family, and be a part of of my Mom's wedding. The time went fast, but it was a great time of rest and enjoying where I grew up. Coming back to London is always a joy for me, as it's my home now, and where my heart is. We began an arts internship about 2 weeks ago, and it will run until the end of April. I have no interns in either of the tracks I co-lead (visual arts and barista) so it is a bit more chill for me. At the same time, I have a challenge for the upcoming exhibition because I do have the time now to produce. Something I really feel God is working on in this time is intimacy. Lets understand that is just a fancy word for knowing someone inside and out. God knows me better than I know myself; he made me and continues to grow me into the person he knows I can become. But if I don't continue to get to know him more, how can I trust that where he is leading me is good? Intimacy with God brings all sorts of necessary things; trust, identity, purpose, fulfillment, and much more. But most importantly, love. How can you love someone and express that love if you don't KNOW them. I feel that God has given me this time to really grow in intimacy with him, and this means being desperate. Desperate people will always go farther for the things they want/need than people who are comfortable. But this all comes with a weight. Knowing God more brings more responsibilities, to share the gospel, to love people, to disciple people, to walk in holiness. Every blessing comes with a weight. And even intimacy with God comes with more responsibility. At first I was afraid of this concept, but then I realized, that as I know him more, I trust and love and understand his love more, and that brings peace to my life. Am I satisfied just knowing God, or am I doing something about it? Am I willing to share the hope that changed my life, the grace that overwhelmed my sin, and the love that conquers all my days? Roots before fruits, is a phrase that I have heard often lately. God wants to work in our roots before we can carry the weight of fruits. He has to go deep to build strong foundations so that when the fruits come, our branches can hold them; and when the storms pass, we stand tall and won't give ground. This initiative is something we have to seek ourselves. God is always there wanting deeper relationship with us, but he will wait until we recognise our need for more of him. Get uncomfortable with where you are at, it makes life more interesting.

Jeremiah 17:8
"He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."