Change of Tides

The more we are vulnerable and real about our weaknesses, the more God can use us. This outreach has been amazing. When I look at it just based on the events and activities, I can almost say it was easy. Most things flew by, people enjoyed, many heard about the love of God. But I know on a personal level for everyone, we struggled. God was doing a surgery with us, as individuals, and as a team. I forget so easily with schools that it is not just in the lecture phase that God wants to teach us things. Our life is learning, and God is the most patient teacher we can have. He has taught me what it really means to love people unconditionally, to let go of my judgment and focus on what other people need, to see people as he sees them beyond their faults. I've seen more of my struggle with control, my lack of trust, my self-doubt, and more in this last month and a half than ever. But also I have seen more the love of God, his gentle hand working in my heart, his patience and passion for restoring, and his grace in pushing me forward.
I can talk about how amazing the fiestas of San Sebastian were, how many people stopped to stare at the dances and the percussion, how many conversations we had with people interested in the meanings of our paintings, being in the opening and closing parades held by the main Catholic church, getting to declare God's victory by playing with the drummers on the highest roof in Old San Juan and in the "door of the city." There are so many amazing things that God did, and I enjoyed every exhausting second of those three days being in the streets. But what I feel needs to be talked about more is the heart. We say too often, "this is just the way I am." That's crap. God made us with our character and gifts and emotions, yes, but we live in a broken world. I need to recognize my weaknesses and face my reality, but I can no longer afford to just accept them as who I am. God calls us to wage war against the flesh, to put on his armor and fight with Him. This means that I don't have to stay "the way that I am." Watching all of us, staff and students, be so confronted with our weaknesses was so beautiful. To know that God put us all together for this time to carry each other, and to learn to love even more is insane. And that's the thing, we don't have to be completely discouraged when we realise our weaknesses and faults, because it means that we are closer to God, closer to the light, and more willing to learn and change. I never want to say that it's "just who I am," because I know that my God is bigger, and has more work to do, and is faithful to do it. So many of our conflicts come from not trusting that we are loved, first by God, and then by those around us. We think that if we change, people won't like us anymore, or that it's too hard to change and we are just stuck this way. But when my identity is really in God, I will naturally start to become more like Jesus. This means leaving what I think makes up who I am, and taking up what He really is. It also means trusting that He is working in the lives of those around me, and that His grace and love flows through them as much as He is showing me. God never ceases to amazing me with the depth of who He is and how much He loves.
During the fiestas, we did have amazing opportunities. We set up in the corner of a plaza that is on the Calle de San Sebastian, where most of the foot traffic is. It's not quite a festival, more of a giant block party spread out over the streets of Old San Juan. There were several main stages with performances from different groups, tons of food and drink stalls, and lots of people making their own fun. We realized quickly that people were desperate for a place to be. Every time we took a break from our performances, the crowd seemed to either stay until the next set, or wander about lost for a place to go. It was so different from the Notting Hill Carnival. The atmosphere was heavy spiritually, but light at the same time. People really celebrate and enjoy, they play music together with strangers, they find random people to enjoy the streets with, and share everything with everyone. Every person I talked with was so willing to stand around and hear what we were doing and who we do it for. So many people stopped to ask about our paintings (7foot hand-made easles) or ask what we were chanting during the percussion (declarations of God) or just to ask where we were all from. We had at least 10-15 people join us for a three day camp the days before the fiestas, to practice with us and join us. They were all from different churches in San Juan, which was so cool to see. Puerto Ricans reaching Puerto Ricans. The plan is to continue holding this Pre-Sanse and the outreach during the fiestas for many years to come. It was an honor and a blessing and a challenge to be part of the spearheading of this outreach. We had the opportunity to partner as well with the main catholic church of San Juan to open and close the fiestas with a small parade each day. We drummed and danced and sang the few blocks of Calle de San Sebastian, and participated in the closing Saturday Mass as well. It's interesting the doors that God opens sometimes for us to be able to declare His presence and give Him the glory. I feel like there are so many small moments that I would want to share, but its so hard to remember them all. But God was carrying every moment of those days, and it was incredible to see Him work in and through all of us.
Watching our students graduate is always an emotional moment. I couldn't be more proud of all of them for what they have walked through with God and how much they pushed during this outreach to see God more. The amazing thing is that the majority of them are joining us again this week for our January internship! Evidently, God was not done yet with them here, and I'm so glad to get to continue this process with them. We will have 6-7 weeks of practical track time here in London, and then 5-6 weeks of outreach here in the UK. It is a fast turn around from one school to the next, but we are so excited for the next season.